To all dear women,

According to my grade seventh geography text book, languages change every two kilometers on this earth. In that case, there are, I don’t know how many languages in this world. (Though, yes, I shall be glad to know how many are there.)  People might be well versed in 8-10 of them. There may be some with numbers greater than 10 too. I do not doubt. However, out of 8-10, one or two might be their mother tongues. And then they might have been taught the rest of them. With this a thought arises in my mind. Is there any single universal language in this world?  Well I would say yes. No. No. It is neither French nor Spanish and not even English. It is a language which, I do not know about men, but at least women are fluent in. They are, in fact, born with an uncanny ability to converse fluently in it and drive the hell out of anyone! And that is- SARCASM! Kudos to all those who guessed it right!   

Here, girls! Please do not get me wrong! Ignore this if you find you don’t resemble these supernaturally extra-ordinary qualities. There is a special species of women in this world whose characteristics I describe here.

It appears to me as if they, simply, cannot put any sentence straight. They are great gymnasts and love to ‘circum-ambulate’ around gossips. They love to add all sorts of spices to the hearsays and talk about. They are interested in each and everyone’s family matters on this earth; ‘your problem is ours’! Charity does not begin at home for them. Freaking! They have got the strongest ears in this world and will catch and amplify even faint audible signals passing through a 5m thick wall- scenario where even x-rays fail. Can you figure that out? They are extremely disciplined and will barge on wrong places at ‘rightly’ wrong times. They are great observant and will never fail to notice what you wore today, where did you go out with whom on some un-important day, or who visited you at what time and at what place! God! You fail and they will be there to ‘morally’ support you, to ‘console’ you. You are unemployed, you are unmarried, then more than the parents, they will be worried about you; they will be there on their toes to give you mental ‘peace’. Ramdev babaji, I tell you, your job is at stake. These aunties are here to lend a ‘soul soothing helping hand’ to each and everyone on this earth.

If they were to fill ‘languages well-versed in’ column of a resume, then as per me, sarcasm would best-fit in. Correct me if I am wrong.

I think it’s high time our government decides to bring a law against these gossip obsessed nerds. It should specify the size of the nose which is allowed to peak into a neighbor’s place. Sarcasm has to be made a punishable offence for these douche ladies. Why can’t they call a spade, a spade? Or better, stay away!

This article of mine is dedicated to the womenfolk. Well, I am quite sure, that even after reading it, you will not change even by a fraction of the lowest percentage possible. But ladies, let’s confront! You know you are ‘gifted’ with this quality and have been getting ‘complimented’ for your ‘candid’ and ‘flabbergasting’ behavior since eons. But you haven’t and, I am sure, won’t ever pay any attention to all whatever they talk of. Correct? But for the sake of mankind can you just not call a spade, a spade? Please! If this happens, then world will be a happy place to live in again. Sue me if I am wrong.