You are next!

What strikes you first after reading this title ‘You are next’? Is it a ration card line? Is it an interview room? Or are you thinking about a hospital queue? Okay here I clarify that no I am not in a hospital waiting for the nurse to call out my name and say ‘You are next’. I am not standing in front of Physics lab waiting for Mrs. Ganguly to shout my name for the viva and say ‘You are next’. Nor am I waiting for the interviewer to speak out my good name and say ‘You are next’. Not any amongst these. Then what does this phrase imply? Well it implies that you are the one next for marriage! Seriously!

The other day I met my friend, 3 years older to me, on my way to office. I knew her as a lively, energetic, and a passionate girl who became my friend in college. But to my surprise, the only visible shade of color which I could decode from her face at that time was of nervousness, confusion. As a reply to my curiosity, she then put forward an explanation which compelled me to pick up a pen and paper and write this article. She had recently been to her cousin’s wedding and now was the only unmarried woman left in the complete Khanna dynasty. Knowing this fact, every single person of Khanna clan had cast a remark ‘You are next’ which had left her completely restless.  

Since times immemorial (may be!), identifying remaining unmarried girls and boys in the clan is one amongst the thousands of rituals of wedding ceremony taken hold over by innumerable aunts and uncles. These uncles and aunts (in particular) might forget to take their daily Blood-Pressure pills; might forget the way to their homes; might not remember who wore what BUT once identified, they will forget you only after you tie the knot. And if it is not an arranged one, they won’t leave you forever.

Looking at my friend, it is certain that dealing with the family pressure of getting married is a million times more difficult than the work pressure of achieving your targets. First, in most of the cases, you have to decide a person in one or two meetings only. It seems as if you are there to bargain something in the whole-sale market. We want you to spend some 20-25 Lac. Girl should be working but earn lesser than the boy. She should be ready to leave her job, and sacrifice her career anytime after marriage. And if she demands to continue working she should not expect any support for any sort of work from anyone. She will not be able to share her salary with her parents. She should have all the qualities of a good Indian wife even if the boy is a dumb ass. And if you are not for arranged one, then May god be with you! The first step itself is the most difficult one. And once you ‘book’ your life-partner, you will start arranging for money to have a lavish big fat Indian wedding. That money will be put to a major waste and will cost your parents a loan of lifetime. Why not have a simple temple wedding and invest that lavishly wasted money instead to buy a property for yourself or something useful? And if something goes wrong with the decision at first step, your life will become a living hell. You will be left alone singing sad Bollywood songs. Total loss: negation of happiness, wastage of hard-earned money, bereft of solace, and a sad tale to be told for the lifetime.

See the repercussions! But, like every problem, there is a solution to my friend’s tension too. Two factors, wisdom and family support, are of utmost importance in making the most important decision of your life. With love, affection, support and wisdom of family, an enthusiastic girl might not ruin her present in needless worries; decisions taken might not prove disastrous. Marriage as an institution might establish firmly. And above all, life will have its meaning.

Slow living

It is not very often that a statement, a beautiful statement made by a person compels you to think. And of latest the term ‘Slow living’, brought to my notice by my Paulo Coehlo obsessed friend, is stirring me to look for its grave definitions and explanations wherever possible.

And till now, I might have gone through some 10-20 web pages related to ‘Slow living’. I had read about numerous movements in my school history books but nowhere could I find the description of slow movement! Slow living has its origins in Slow movement which began in Italy with the concept of Slow food! Who might have thought that here, on this earth exists the world institute of slowness with the motto ‘everything worth doing is worth doing slowly’? It is totally bizarre to think about the paradox of time, “In order to perform fast you have to be slow’. Hard to bear the fact is that summits by the name of ‘Slow Living Summit’ also take place. And Greg Foyster has embarked on a cycling journey with the ‘Changing Gears’. And we have a slow coffee in this world of instant food! Amazing!

All I knew about slow living till now was some catchy lines like ‘living every moment’, ‘achieve your dreams’, ‘consider life an adventure’, ‘you can win if you think you can’, etc. And I had also watched “3 Idiots” which is against the “Life is a race” phrase. My contemplation about slow living would always take me to this. Since childhood we have been taught, we have seen, and we have observed people running everyday to make it for their lives. They get up at 5, spend their day doing monotonous, moribund chores, eat as much as possible, and lament on their lives becoming melancholy. This process repeats with every passing day and they give a damn to what course their life has taken, whether they have achieved what they wanted, or if they are doing what they admire; let alone the thought of increasing their knowledge be. Charles’ Darwin’s theory of ‘survival of the fittest’ rules this world and they synonym fitness to money. They unconsciously use every single minute of their lives in making money. They constantly worry about their job and thrive to provide a good living to the family.

In all this hustle-bustle of life, they are forgetting to enhance personal, community and environmental well-being. They are perhaps failing to introspect. They are forgetting simplicity in the glitter, glamour, and shimmer of the modern life-style. They are forgetting the requirement of ‘survival of the fittest’ theory: “In order to be efficient, productive, and perform fast, you have to have a peaceful mind and for that you require to be slow”. 

The story of hurt sentiments

Before anyone comes and sues me for hurting their sentiments by copying their idea, I hereby declare that this post is completely my idea, my views, and my thoughts. In short, it is originality at its best!

I also apologize to all whose sentiments will be hurt after reading this post. Who knows I might get arrested by someone because I have hurt their sentiments! After all creating a ruckus and asking others to apologize on the grounds of their ‘sentiments getting hurt’ is the biggest trend these days.

The other day Mr. XingXoXing’s 2 year old son plucked, by mistake, a bright red rose flower from Mr. YingYoYing’s green garden. I am sorry if you find it difficult to pronounce Mr. XingXoXing and Mr. YingYoYing. Yes I could have chosen some easy to pronounce, earthly names like Mr. Chaddha or Mr. Sharma. But then, you see, I do not want to spend my days and nights waiting and being afraid of the moment Mr. Chaddha or Mr. Sharma will come with all the Indian media (I dare not take their names!), sit on fast unto death outside my home, and force me to apologize. So I chose some Chinese or Japanese names. I know these people have lots of important tasks, other than creating a ruckus on their sentiments getting hurt, to do. And that is why, I guess, they are way far developed than India. But I assure you; Mr. XingXoXing and Mr. YingYoYing belong to India. Anyways where was I? Yeah so, our Indian Mr. XingXoXing’s son plucked a rose from Mr. YingYoYing’s garden. YingYoYing, being Indian, went crazy. His deep and out of the world sentiments were hurt. He lodged an FIR against Mr. XingXoXing and then Mr. XingXoXing was forced to apologize face to face and also on twitter (Today’s fashion you know!).

Later when Mr. XingXoXing’s son WingWoWing grew up to be a director, he directed a movie based on some UVUV community in India. He had done complete research on them, had burned the midnight oil and the movie was a result of his months of hard work. Everything was perfect about the movie: story, cast, crew, dialogues, songs, etc. It was sure to do a good business. But just one fault brought down everything. The mistake was: people of UVUV community were shown to be wearing a 3.755 meter cloth in the movie whereas in reality they wear 3.754 meter! Complete 1cm difference! What next? Sentiments of UVUV community were deeply hurt. They lodged nationwide protests and did not allow the movie to be released anywhere in India. Whole of the media went crazy. All of the time slots were booked only to have discussions on this ‘most important’ topic. UVUV people sat on fast unto death and broke their fast only when WingWoWing apologized publicly and of course on twitter! WingWoWing could not bear the insult and left the profession of director.

A few years later when elections were going on in WingWoWing’s locality, another calamity befell upon him. What happened was WingWoWing expressed on facebook that he does not like the pink color of the symbol of the party contesting for elections in his area. Consequence? Volcanic sentiments of the contesting party were hurt. He was arrested, sent to jail for 6 months and forced to apologize on the national TV; needless to say on twitter too.

Time passed by and our WingWoWing turned 75. He had not received his pension for the last 12 months. He went to pension office to collect his meager pension of Rs. 5000. What he got was just Rs. 2000. He complained to senior officials, waited for another one year. No action took place. Now that his justified sentiments were hurt, he decided to do what was done to him. He sat on a fast unto death motion. None of the media highlighted this issue, no action was taken, and he died within four days. Nobody’s sentiments were hurt, no apologies were made and no one mentioned him on twitter.

Shopping with mom

Every Wednesday, I quickly finish my dinner, hurry up to brush my teeth, and get into my green pajamas as soon as possible. I keep two bags and two hundred and fifty rupees ready in my hand. As soon as the silver-grey Titan clock, hanging in my living room two-and-a-half feet above the wooden table which holds the Samsung television, strikes 8:45pm I leave for nearby market along with my mom. It is time now for some weekly shopping in our local Wednesday market.

I do not like shopping but when it is about shopping with mom, I just can’t stop myself! After all, shopping with mom is a great fun. Be it the purchasing of weekly groceries, cosmetic items, some new clothes, a pair of new shoes, good electronic items, interesting books, etc, it is always worth the time. She visits shop after shop and looks over a hundred different varieties before picking up the masterpiece. I sincerely want to learn the way she bargains with the shop keeper and gets 800 Rs bag for 300 only. ‘bhaiyya dekho theek theek laga lo.. ye wala dikhana! Achcha wo wala dikhao to..‘. She bargains with an un-matching flattering skill, keeps on telling me in between why is this good and why on earth is this bad. Why to choose this and why to reject that! Though yes mom, I still do not know the difference between chiffon, cotton, silk, and georgette. And also I do not know how to identify which brinjal is good and which is bad! 

And the moment we get tired of it, then just one plate full of ‘moong-daal-ke-laddoo-with-grated-raddish-and-hare-dhaniye-ki-chutney’ is enough to rejuvenate both of us! They are extremely tasty and simply amazing!

But why do I like shopping only with mom? I guess the answer is not so difficult.

Dad leaves no chance to make the experience as much boring as possible with his I-will-talk-in-a-virtually-non-existent-volume, will-not-argue-with-the-shopkeeper and will-not-stay-at-a-shop-for-more-than-five-minutes attitude! Statistics bear testimony to the fact that of all the things he had purchased on his own, 95% of them were very bad! And I guess all men including my dad have I-feel-embarrassed-in-returning-a-purchased-object-even-though-it-costs-me-millions attitude!

While it is boring to shop with dad, it is a completely different experience to shop with my sister. We would walk at speed of ten steps in a minute, keep on laughing for the whole way, argue at the shop- I want this, you take that- fight with each other and both return empty handed.

So mom! You win clearly!

Get an idea

Every time I sit to write

A brand new post for my own blogger site

The same confusion always holds me tight

Where to start and bring out bright

Moments pass and I do not get

A single thought rattling my intellect

Where, how, when, this and that?

With eyes closed and pen in my turret

A little force I apply on my mind

And surprisingly I do begin to find

Some ideas to shake the mankind

Peep into the future or perhaps rewind

Should I write on ‘one year at office’?

Or should I go for ‘Vancouver to Venice’?

Looking to opt for ‘Virtues and vices’

Of Indian marriage and caste and crisis!

Should I go for ‘Lean in’ by Sheryl Sandberg?

Or should I chose ‘Matrimonial Ads: Aggrawals and Gargs!?

Should I write on ‘how I miss summer vacations’?

Or should I think of ‘women atrocities and chemical castration’?

Should I write on ‘being a robot’?

Or should I describe a ‘witch with a pot’?

Should I imagine myself winning a jackpot?

Or should I consider myself in a desert very hot?

I ask my sister to help me pick up

Any one topic from the list I come up

She ticks out some and suggests me another

“Why don’t you write on Love life and break-up?”

‘Ah! Well you see I cannot explain

Any such moment which I do not sustain

Instead of love life and break-up, here I bargain

Shouldn’t I describe our ‘cities, parks, and fountain’?’

“Then why do you think of ‘Vancouver to Venice’?

When you haven’t been even to Paris!

Forget all this stuff and come play tennis

Or enjoy the weather and go to terrace”

I find her idea good to de-stress

But just as I was leaving, a thought clicks my mistress

Instead of sitting and being aimless

I decide to write on ‘being topic-less!’