Today is Diwali and it is not happy for me. Considering all the losses which I have suffered this year, it, infact, cannot be. It seems neither luck nor circumstances are favoring me. And I, I am losing my self-confidence day after day. It is not that I am not trying to win over these difficult situations. Rather, I am putting in my best efforts. I am putting in my soul and heart in achieving my crystal clear dreams. I am not digressed and I am not confused. I am completely dedicated for them. But still with every passing month, I am greeted by nothing but failures; failures which are shaking my confidence and failures which are delving me more and more into profound loneliness.
Beginning with January, I tried hard to convince my parents that they allow me go to coaching. But they did not. I continued to convince them till June. But all in vain; and this is my first failure. I then started preparing for the exam on my own with the aim of completing the complete syllabus in two months of summer vacations. And see, I did finish it with all sorts of questions practiced. Next I tried to get contact with a good company for Industrial training and indeed I got one; but the internship was there in Shillong or Jammu. I could not go there because I was preparing for the exams and therefore I had to work as an intern in some local company. And that training does not have much value. This is my 2nd failure. Months passed and a fortnight before reopening of my college, I came to know that C-DOT is visiting our campus for placements. I prepared for it completely; reading all the text books thouroughly, surfing through the net to find placement papers and questions, and practicing for the interview daily. I had thus put in my best efforts. The interview also went very well. I managed to answer all the questions, and presented myself with full confidence. But when the results were announced my name was nowhere to be seen! I had always been a bright student and ranked third in my college. And infact the interview had also gone very good. Still I have to face this scenario. And this is my third failure. C-DOT was my dream company and I was very much broken when I could not make into it. Also, there wasn’t anybody who could tell me my faults so that I may work on them. Simply nobody. Before C-DOT, I had given interview for Winshuttle. But it did not take any student from ECE branch. It, in fact, did not bother me much because I was not expecting for Winshuttle. I was totally focused on C-DOT. After it I have given interviews in Adobe and Capital-IQ. But they are s/w companies and don’t prefer electronics students. Still I have nobody to guide me. I often ask myself, have I made a mistake by not choosing CSE? Have I or Have I not? After facing 4 rejections, anyone’s self-confidence can shake and hopes break. As if it was not enough, another blow came to me. We, 4th years, were removed (Still we don’t know why…) from the Techno-Literati society; the society I had been working for for the past 4 years, and the society for whose post of Vice-President I had been nominated by my seniors. We could not question the society’s teacher because she is “very khadoos”. This is my fourth failure. Now talking about the exam I was supposed to give. I soon realized that my concepts were a little bit weak and they could have been made stronger if I were given proper coaching. I wanted to appear for GATE with full preparation and sound concepts. But realizing my situation, I dropped the idea of giving the exam and did not fill the form! And then came the news that all the PSUs have made GATE score as their most important criteria for recruitment! And because I had not filled the GATE form, doors of PSUs were totally shut were for me. And without sound concepts it wouldn’t be useful sitting for ISRO. I always wanted to be an astronaut or space engineer. With ECE, I could have made into ISRO. But all my dreams were shattered. And the tragedy is I am still not placed anywhere. This is my fifth failure.
With so many big failures, I am beginning to lose my self-confidence. I am bit sure that I will get placed in one or the other company on-campus. But will it be my dream company? Will I be able to work in it? And will I ever be able to take coaching so that I can make into ISRO? How will I find out time from my (would be) busy working schedule for coaching? Will I have to drop? Why is my bad luck favoring me? Questions galore and I am trying to find their answers by spending sleepless nights.
